I Haven’t Been This Happy Since Optimus Returned From The Dead

Fifteen days to go until Transformers 2 is released. It may not seem that long a wait but for a fan such as me - every minute of every hour of every day feels like a lifetime. Five years ago, when they announced that a Transformers movie was in the pipeline, I was as giddy as a little school girl in love. I wasn’t even perturbed by the fact that Michael Bay had been chosen as Director. Okay, his movies aren’t that great, (I feel like spitting whenever I see a copy of Pearl Harbour) but let’s face it, the guy knows how to blow things up and for a movie containing a number of giant robots kicking seven shades of rust out of each other, that’s sometimes all you need.

I have watched the trailer countless times. I’ve wept with joy at the brief appearance of Jetfire, I’ve fallen to my knees and praising the gods of cinema at the thought of seeing The Devastator in a live action and jumped up and down like a hyperactive teenager on a trampoline on hearing the words “The Fallen.” Some of you may not understand such excitement but those that have followed the Transformers Universe will understand.

What is that I hear you say - Why am I so happy in this piece when normally I want to take a nail gun to the world of entertainment? Well, fear not, that man hasn’t gone away because although I am excited at the nearing release date of the movie there is something that has been bothering me lately. It was something that I had expected to happen should have prepared myself for and, when it did happen, let it gently wash over me and ignore it but I’m not built like that and as normal, I’m wound up.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Big robots, big guns, explosions, death and destruction on a major scale and, to top it all off like a whacking great cherry on top of a pretty fine cake, an even bigger robot so big that it’ll even have trouble fitting on an IMAX screen. So, what is not to like? Well it would seem that some of you out there expect a bit more from this movie - check out some comments on YouTube and certain film sites – you wanted a darker turn ala The Dark Knight, you want better dialogue from the characters, scenery chewing from the human element of the movie, and some of you wanted Michael Bay gone because he couldn’t handle the franchise. There were other comments but I’ll if I list them all I’ll be here all day.

Should this film be made to appease those that expect more from the movie business? Should it be made for those that consider film high art? Since when should a film about giant robots be about interaction between the human characters. Okay, I’ll agree with the point that a movie lives or dies by its script and how well the characters come across on screen but I’m not expecting the ‘Othello’ of robots. I don’t want Optimus Prime to suddenly go Shakespeare and stand beneath a giant balcony proclaiming his love for Arcee in old worlde verse. I don’t want the film to go Hamlet and have Autobots sleeping with their own mothers and poisoning their uncles. Most of all I definitely don’t want to see Ironside break out into monologue enquiring about his entitlement to “a pound of flesh.”

It seems to upset some people that films like Transformers are made and think little of people who find enjoyment from it, but why shouldn’t we enjoy it? It’s a blockbuster which has a strong fan-base, has plenty of back-material to draw from and contains everything which makes a summer movie great.

As I write this I am currently carving a tally-mark into the wall next to my desk, counting down the days until I can book my IMAX ticket and enjoying the ultimate pop-corn movie. At least I know I’ll be enjoying watching Transformers 2 while the art crowd sit around a flea-ridden mini-screen in a pit of a cinema watching a short movie about the plight of Bolivian Pig farmers.

Out of the two - Which do you think will be remembered when the robots really do rise up and take over the planet?

I rest my case.

Written by: Arron Kasady

Fanboys, It’s Always the Fanboys

“I am going to murder him and his family.”

Look at the above sentence for a minute. Take it in: Nine words; nine words of pure hatred. I haven’t made it up, I didn’t just write it for effect so that people would see it and immediately want to read the rest of this piece; No, in fact, I copied this from a forum message-board (before it got deleted, thankfully) that was set up to discuss the new Star Trek movie.

Someone who hadn’t actually seen the movie had become irate by a few reviews that mentioned that the recently released Star Trek movie was set in an ‘alternate time-line’ to the series. Angered by this revelation, this person felt the need to loosen his tongue and write the above comment and other unwholesome things about the director and his family.

I just want to say this in response to him, and the other people who have there noses put out of joint by films that don’t match their vision of a well known TV/Comic Book franchises – “Get a fucking life.”

For gods sake, is it really that bad that a director wants to bring his own vision to a long running series? Is it that bad when a film based on a comic book omits a much-loved second-tier character? Does it really matter that a film-maker DOESN’T share the same views as the socially inept that sit around and do nothing but LIVE in a fantasy world where Star Trek and other films of its ilk are real?

Chris Pine - the actor playing James T Kirk – claimed he had calls from ‘fanboys’ in the early hours of the morning threatening his life because he had the audacity to be chosen for the role of Kirk AND, even though it has absolutely fuck all to do with him, had these morons complaining that William Shatner hadn’t been given a cameo role in the movie.

This guy, who wanted nothing more than to bring his own version of Kirk to the screen, had to put up with these in-breds threats over something that has really nothing to do with him. Didn’t these idiots stop to think that William Shatner hadn’t received a cameo offer because he looks like a bloated whale that’s been dipped in candy and has a heart that is about to explode at any given second? Do you really think the director would want Shatner- meat’ all over his cast and crew? At least Leonard Nimoy still looks cool.

It makes me so angry that there are people out there who take it all so personally. It’s not just Star Trek either, Transformers is another example. I am a Transformers uber-fan; not just the film but the cartoon and the comics. I for one am pissing my pants in excitement over the recently released final trailer for the upcoming sequel but guess what? Not everyone shares the same over-excited view as me. Some people are a little put out by Devastator (for those that don’t share the same passion for 60ft tall kickass robots as me: just wiki it.) being turned into a gorilla ‘type’ robot who has to walk around on all fours. Who the fuck cares, the film-makers are trying to make it realistically as possible! You have giant robots created using the finest CGI ever put to screen, wreaking havoc on screen - Go to the cinema, eat your damn popcorn, sit back, watch the film and don’t give a shit.

I’m not going to talk about some of the other problems ‘fan-boys’ have with the Transformer movie because I’ll most probably get so wound up I’ll implode and create a new-born star right here in my office.

I don’t give a damn if my favourite comic book villain (Carnage, for those who care) is left out of a Spiderman movie if Sam Raimi doesn’t think it’ll fit. I don’t care if Spock goes insane and kills Scotty if it means a better movie comes out of it. I don’t care if Megatron never makes the transition to Galvatron because some people wouldn’t understand is. If a movie fails it’s because it hasn’t entertained EVERYONE and not just the people that have followed it from day one, wear the T-shirts, buy the boxes-sets and have their own replica props - It’s called business.

At the end of the day, film-makers will always bring their own ideas and vision to the screen. It’s inevitable that things will be left out for the sake of making a good movie. That’s all film-makers want to do - make a good movie that everyone can enjoy, and all I want to do, as an avid film fan, is pay my money and be entertained.

Word.

Written by: Arron Kasady